I’ve been wanting to update my information page for a while now, many changes have taken place and loads of life learning has gone on, but it seems as though I always allow discouragement to permeate my thoughts whenever I try to do this and its not just “updating”, my blogging in general seems to be hindered. I go back and forth between what I want to write and what I SHOULD write. Between, what may be helpful for some but hurtful to others, what is kind but may not be necessary ~ you get it.
Rather than go back to my “about me” page I think I will just continue to peck away here and see what becomes of it. I have said many times over the years that I am “ever evolving”, by this I mean changing for the (hopefully) good. I have never felt I have arrived so to speak and thankful that I am blessed to move forward in life one day at a time. That being said, I hope we are all evolving ~ am I advocating evolution as I claim to be a Child of God. No, I believe I can honestly use this term without confusion if you will allow it to mean what I am meaning it to ~ clear as mud? I like that term a lot. I have learned from my mistakes and the mistakes of others. Has there been a change in my belief system, in a sense… but not in the sense you might be thinking. My faith is the same, for the most part how I put that faith into action is the same, where I worship hasn’t changed, why I know to be truth and what I know of creation remains rooted, but learning more, loving more, improving, seeing beauty and looking at my life in a way that I can actually enjoy things things in a more abundant way, that seems to be shifting. it’s a good thing.
When I was a young mom I had a way of thinking that I whole heartedly embraced and lived out in my parenting everyday. I feel it served me well at the time. I (we) made choices as parents that today we would never make. Would I change the past if I could? I don’t think so, do I wish I had learned some things sooner? yes indeed. I comfort myself in the telling of this “line”, “We did the best we knew how”. That being said, we did do some great things: We survived and even at times thrived with eight children, all but the caboose, very close in age, and gave them experiences many others have never have. I have had many opportunities to improve my life and the lives of my family members that I didn’t always take, for those missed chances I wish I had grown sooner.
I can see this may be a long drawn our writing process for me, so I suppose I will end here. Lots to think about.